How to Act Toward a Spouse of a Deployed Military Member

So, I’m learning that civilian people say odd things when they know your spouse is deployed.

I very often get the sympathetic head tilt accompanied by “So, how’re you doing?” with a facial expression that says “it’s okay to cry.”

I halfway want to reply with the “I’m okay Head Bob” but usually simply say, “Umm, I’m fine” and just change the subject. I haven’t just come from a funeral, divorce, or learning I have terminal cancer. Can we please lighten up?

My latest favorite is my neighbor’s reply (and other variations of this). Talking of his being overseas, separated from me, “Oh isn’t it just terrible?” 

Okay, how am I supposed to reply to this one? “No, it’s not terrible. I love having him gone. I dance myself to sleep every night in celebration” Or “Yes, it’s terrible and I blame the evil military for taking him away from me without me knowing that it’s his job or anything.” I usually reply that it is, in fact, his job to go overseas and we expect and prepare for this. Both our “sacrifices” are part of being in the military.

Please be kind to your friends with deployed spouses. Ask them what they’re doing while he’s gone. Anything interesting? You can ask them how his or her spouse is doing over there. Maybe they’ll have a lot to say or maybe not.

The main idea is to be open. Please do not assume everyone feels as you would. Military spouses have more preparation. They know their spouse will be deployed. It’s not a surprise (usually). It comes with the job. I prefer to be proud of his service and while it may not be the most awesome thing to be separated from your favorite person in the world, I love that he is dedicated, skilled, a wicked-good pilot, and does his job well wherever he is in the world.

One of the nicest things you can do is thank the spouse of a deployed military member for serving as if you were thanking their spouse.

Latest

At the end of May, I went to the beach in Mexico! Ahh, I love the beach. You may ask what I did with my time in Mexico… well, I laid on the beach, shopped, laid on the beach, ate tropical fruit on the sea-view balcony, laid on the beach, and drank fruity drinks delivered to my lounge chair… while laying on the beach. It was AWESOME!

Flying back through Dallas, I always stop at the USO (lounge for military personnel) and this adorable man was playing the banjo outside the door. It just put a smile on my face.

I stopped in College Station to visit family and attend sweet Janine’s wedding. It was SO wonderful! The ceremony was so sweet and it was a joy to catch up with some College Station friends! Her new husband a firefighter, Janine arrived in a fire truck to walk down the aisle!

This picture was too adorable not to take – father and grandfather with my niece!

When I got back to South Dakota, the plants had exploded with growth! It was very good timing because the Moores followed me back to help me plant the garden.

A lot harder work than anticipated, Ken tilled the ground, we took out the grass, added compost, planted, and arranged drip hoses. All done now, it was worth the effort! And a BIG thanks to Rob’s parents for helping me plant!

Before

During

After

THEN, as if all that manual labor wasn’t enough, these two energizer bunnies decided to go ahead and help me do the ceiling in the sunroom.

We chose to do tongue and groove pine planks and they look SO good!!! We also added insulation to the ceiling and the remaining wall (that I hadn’t yet completed) and it makes a HUGE difference! The sunroom is much more temperate now – not too hot and (hopefully) not too cold.

We also attended the air show and it was exciting to see a B-2 bomber on the ground (I’ve only ever seen them do a fly-by). Of course the B-1 showed off (you know, because it’s awesome) and the Heavy Metal Jet Aerobatics Team was the stunt show for the day.

And that’s the news from Lake Woebegone South Dakota.

A Few of My Favorite Tools

Yes, you can start singing from the Sound of Music… :-)

First, my new favorite – the Bosch orbital sander.

This little baby makes sanding SO much easier! What was I THINKING when I hand sanded?? That was just plain crazy. Not only does it sand smoothly and effectively, but there is almost NO dust! It’s filtration system is so awesome that I sanded in my living room and one could hardly even notice there had been a project!

My first favorite – the Ridgid shopvac.

It makes cleanup so rewarding – to watch all your sawdust, leaves, and dirt be immediately erased is nothing short of bliss.

The miter saw.

While the table saw is still a bit intimidating (although we are much better friends now that we interact often), the miter saw is so easy to use. There’s no big ado when you just need to make one little cut. I used this one a lot making legs for the bedside tables.

The air compressor/nail gun.

SO fun! Putting up wood paneling, nailing trim, and nailing faces to cabinets or storage boxes is amazingly fast and easy. Plus, the ker-CHUNK sound it makes when it nails gives you that “yea, I’m using a power tool” feeling.

What are your favorite tools?

Latest Projects

This chandelier was just screaming for a makeover.

Before

After

Before

After

Eventually, that wall will come down, making way for a breakfast bar in the great room. But for now, it’s a pretty green accent wall.

And the sunroom looks much sunnier now! Special thanks to the ladies who helped me cut wood paneling! We have a bunch of very talented Air Force wives!

Before

After

Eventually, we’d like full windows, but this is a nice solution for now. I’m thinking of painting this room – but what color? White? Pale grey-green? Pale blue? Pale yellow like the outside of the house? Or just leave the wood paneling…

And check out what I made yesterday!

My new entryway bench is now nicely painted (finally!) with an upholstered top. The long-wise stripes were a mistake in retrospect, but I like all the colors in the pattern.

And these boxes are assembled (minus doors) and almost ready for implementation in basement storage. Thanks to Dad for his help!!

And lots of flowers are coming up! I love all the splashes of color in the yard now!

And I have rhubarb! I didn’t even know! I love living in a house previously owned by a gardener! Pie, anyone?

View from the guestroom window – tulips, daffodils, rose bush, and lilies.

South Dakota is pretty, huh?

McKay Goes to the Circus

 

I love the circus. I always have. It reminds me of my grandmother, we call her Honey. Not every time, but often, when we visited her there would be a circus on television. Plus, she had these wooden circus animal toys that you could pose and stack and make do circus tricks - an additional treat when visiting Honey’s house.

Anyway, I love the circus. I love to be entertained. I love to watch, mesmerized as a daredevil or acrobat  performs. I love the animals, the glitter, the showmanship. I love it.

The circus came to Rapid City! And it was a GREAT one!

They had tigers jumping through flaming hoops

This pony act kicked it up a notch with CAMELS! They were amazing! One of my favorites.

Black bears doing tricks and looking adorable and dangerous at the same time

Tightrope walkers, flying trapeze artists, and this guy all made me hold my breath!

I wanted to be one of the acrobats hanging from a rope or a hoop a la cirque du soleil. *sigh*

The dog act was especially entertaining, funny, and adorable – terriers doing flips, dancing, leapfrogging, and catching loops around their necks!

The elephants are always amazing – just watching them move is captivating.

They finished the circus with the giant steel Globe of Death! You know, the one with the guy on the motorcycle doing loops inside a steel cage. Awesome, right? Well, even more awesome with THREE motorcycles! And even MORE awesome with FOUR!! WOW!!

There were other acts as well that were all very entertaining. It was a quality circus! I am so thrilled to have such quality entertainment come to little ol’ Rapid City!

Howards in South Dakota

South Dakota blessed these Texans with beautiful weather! It was sunny and high 50s/low 60s most of the time. Excellent.

In addition to our touristic trips, visiting Mount Rushmore, the Black Hills, and the Badlands, Mom and Dad helped around the  house in a MAJOR way! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

We had a great time and the Black Hills of South Dakota may draw them back again this summer… :-)

We saw the base

We visited Mount Rushmore.

We drove through Custer State Park

 

We went to the Badlands

Saw Bison

Enjoyed the patio section of Menard’s home improvement store.

Took a load to the city dump and were amazed at the crusher truck

The following is more for Rob to see the changes in the house since the Howards swooped.

Cleaned up the sunroom space

Fixed the handle on the sliding glass door, put felt stickies on the bathroom cabinets, weeded and trimmed the bushes and trellises, and set up the hammock stand (I have already basked in the sun today)

Cleaned the greenhouse and planted some seedlings in the earthboxes

Cut wood, made face frames, backs, and feet. And cleaned out the garage

We had a great time!!!! Thank you!!

I’ve Been Keeping Myself Busy

When fellow military spouses find out I don’t have a full-time job or kids, they look a little concerned. I assure them that I find plenty to do for myself and not to worry – I’m passing that along to you as well.

For one thing, I’m teaching yoga at LEAST four times a week, but usually five or six. That keeps me pretty busy as each class has a different focus and different people. I always prepare a plan for each class, whether I follow it or not – flexibility and living in the moment are acted out daily!

I’m preparing the plants to go in the greenhouse, transplanting to larger pots and rearranging the greenhouse to accommodate my seedlings until it’s safe to plant them outside (after Memorial Day! Only three months of growing season here! Yikes.)

Of course, I’m waiting a little longer before putting the plants in the greenhouse because it’s currently snowing outside. Yup. That’s right now.

I also had a friend over to help me cut plywood to make more boxes for storage. Here’s all my cuts made.

I’m making more of these boxes. I hope to be able to stack them in whatever configuration fits best in whatever house we live. I’m also making two “double wide” ones to fit bigger items. Next time, I might try a couple “double high” ones.

They’re all in four-sided box form now. When the weather gets warmer, I will attach the feet, backs, face frames, and doors. I’m also making an upholstered top for these three to make a bench. Since I adore antique hardware, I have grand plans of finding the most interesting and cool knobs and handles and latches! (rather than cutting shapes for handles like the above boxes).

I have also finished painting the wall in the living room, and am spray painting the outdated chandelier.

I’m getting excited because my B-1 painting from TM Gand (see facebook album at link) is almost finished! Once that arrives I can hang art in the living room and have a MUCH more decorated feel in the house! By the way, she sells prints of all her paintings, if you want a B-1 too…

At least once a week, I have one or two other “spouse-less” ladies over for dinner to keep me enjoying cooking. (Cooking for one is not nearly as fun after a week or more).

For those of you just here about my husband. Yes, he’s fine. Yes, I have been able to skype with him. Yes, I’ll let you know if he needs anything. And no, we don’t know when he’s coming back.