Stages of Deployment

I should have guessed earlier, but there’s apparently seven emotional stages a spouse goes through with a deployment. Yeah. They’ve done studies.

Stage One: Anticipation of Departure

Stage Two: Detachment and Withdrawal

Stage Three: Emotional Disorganization

Stage Four: Recovery and Stabilization

Stage Five: Anticipation of Return

Stage Six: Return Adjustment and Renegotiation

Stage Seven: Reintegration and Stabilization

Interesting, huh? And while the psychiatrists may disagree, I haven’t found my deployment emotions to follow the “typical” stages… Mine went a little more like this:

Stage One: What’s an MC-12?

Stage Two: A couple all-nighters finishing the upstairs bathroom before Rob and I left for Atlanta and his training, arriving on Christmas Day. Not much time for detachment or withdrawal, just lots and lots of tile cutting.

Stage Three: Recovery and Stabilization. I know it’s supposed to be stage four in the pattern, but I was pretty fine with the whole thing.

Stage Four: Emotional Disorganization. I’m not entirely sure what this stage is meant to encompass, but I found that as the squadron we’re still technically a part of began to deploy, my emotions about the whole thing came a lot closer to the surface. I described it to Rob like this:

Me: You know how I am capable of compartmentalization? Rob: Yes. Me: Well, I’m discovering the walls of my compartments can be a little thin – you know, maybe like Japanese rice paper walls? Rob: OH YEA! Me: Oh. You didn’t have to agree SO heartily… cute.

And then, I guess I did Stage Four again with Recovery and Stabilization. I LOVE all my new friends who are newly singled and very often ready to hang out, go out, or just visit!

Then, I discovered I missed testosterone a little. And guys are WAY funnier than girls. No offense. It’s just girls are not that hilarious. I miss laughing from the gut.

Now, I’m on to Stage Five: Anticipation of Return. I can totally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not that it’s been a dark or horrific time, I’m just excited like a birthday, or a wedding, or a big graduation trip. It’s got magnitude. But, I’ve noticed I’m a little more unstable than I’ve been in any of the previous stages. I don’t say this to gain pity or to say in some sort of subtle way, “Help me.” It’s not that. It’s simply observing, almost in a scientific way – hmm, that’s interesting, I didn’t expect that.

Some of my more random unstable moments come while driving. Perhaps I’m simply not used to driving this much without Rob. I miss him in the seat next to me. I love it when he drives and I get to ride. I haven’t been in the passenger seat of my car for 9 months.

Another moment when my paper-thin compartment walls were compromised was when my very good friend had a baby and I teared up as she was describing how hard it was for her husband to watch the labor because he felt so helpless. I guess I empathize. Is that it?

I can nail this one down a lot easier: You know the pie that I love. The pie that merited its own ode and entry in the blog. The pie that gives me comfort each week throughout this deployment. Well, I’ve been without pie now for over two weeks. She wasn’t there last week and I missed her this week. I learned this because I called the store in Pierre and she said there was a rush this morning and they ran out early. I’ve been tearing up all day when I think about how I don’t have pie.

I think this one’s a little more obvious – pie = comfort. duh. Then, the very sweet yet sometimes a little “I told you so” Holy Spirit reminded me that my comfort should lie in God. Me, ever a little bit petulant, said I still would like some pie, but thanks for the reminder. If I have to live without pie for two weeks to be reminded that the Holy Spirit is my comforter, that’s okay. … But I have ordered three pies for next week.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to the next two stages of deployment emotions – the ones that occur when he comes back!! YAY!!!! Really, there’s not enough explanation points to convey the excitement (and apparently a little bit of instability… ) that comes with this stage.