So, I’m learning that civilian people say odd things when they know your spouse is deployed.
I very often get the sympathetic head tilt accompanied by “So, how’re you doing?” with a facial expression that says “it’s okay to cry.”
I halfway want to reply with the “I’m okay Head Bob” but usually simply say, “Umm, I’m fine” and just change the subject. I haven’t just come from a funeral, divorce, or learning I have terminal cancer. Can we please lighten up?
My latest favorite is my neighbor’s reply (and other variations of this). Talking of his being overseas, separated from me, “Oh isn’t it just terrible?”
Okay, how am I supposed to reply to this one? “No, it’s not terrible. I love having him gone. I dance myself to sleep every night in celebration” Or “Yes, it’s terrible and I blame the evil military for taking him away from me without me knowing that it’s his job or anything.” I usually reply that it is, in fact, his job to go overseas and we expect and prepare for this. Both our “sacrifices” are part of being in the military.
Please be kind to your friends with deployed spouses. Ask them what they’re doing while he’s gone. Anything interesting? You can ask them how his or her spouse is doing over there. Maybe they’ll have a lot to say or maybe not.
The main idea is to be open. Please do not assume everyone feels as you would. Military spouses have more preparation. They know their spouse will be deployed. It’s not a surprise (usually). It comes with the job. I prefer to be proud of his service and while it may not be the most awesome thing to be separated from your favorite person in the world, I love that he is dedicated, skilled, a wicked-good pilot, and does his job well wherever he is in the world.
One of the nicest things you can do is thank the spouse of a deployed military member for serving as if you were thanking their spouse.
2 comments:
ha ha, seriously! Ours usually are a surprise, but I kind of prefer that to dreading it for weeks.
My favorite is when people with their spouses right there act like my being there is a reminder that THANK GOODNESS they have each other, prompting snuggles, kisses and---I'm not kidding, someone at church in FL said this once---"I could NEVER do that. If I'm without my wife for like 15 minutes I go crazy! (squeeze, smooch)" really!? 15 minutes!??! Don't talk to me. Ever again.
LOVE the Friends reference :).
Sometimes I feel the same way about being a pastor's wife (although in no way is the sacrifice or separation on the same level), but just with the way people assume things, and assume they know how you feel, or how they would feel, in your shoes. Especially when they react to the fact that I work. Why, yes, right now I still work b/c being a youth pastor isn't exactly on the list of highest paying jobs. So I sacrifice being a stay at home mom & housewife so that he can do what he loves. And no, Sunday is not a day of rest for our family. It is a work day. And thus, we must often miss weekend things & leave early from family gatherings, b/c his work week starts on Sundays. It's just different. But it is our normal. We don't always like it either, but it's life as we know it.
Thanks for posting about all the interesting things you have been up to :). When you get a chance (and if you're allowed) write a post about how Rob is (& what Rob is) doing :).
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